Monday, April 1, 2013

BREAKING NEWS!! Stamford: The city that worXXX

Lights!  Camera!  Hot, sweaty action!

Thanks to Connecticut's generous tax incentives, Stamford's reputation as a wonderful host city, and the success of productions like "The Big C" and "Are We There Yet?", other players in the entertainment world are making the move to the sunny shores of the 203.  Several of the biggest studios in the adult film industry recently announced that they'll be moving from Los Angeles to Stamford in the near future, with the goal of being up and running by the fall.

"Stamford offers the perfect blend of settings for the finest in adult entertainment, and the move just makes good financial sense as well," said Alana Gale, a spokeswoman for Vivid Video, the largest adult film studio in the United States.  "We're already scouting locations for upcoming productions such as 'Cove Island Pork,' 'Strawberry's Hills,' and 'Ring My Belltown'."

Many actors in the adult business are happy about leaving Los Angeles, too.

"I'm looking forward to moving out of a city with terrible traffic, high taxes, and insanely expensive real estate," said Mike Strauber, star of "Sanford and Son and Your Daughters."  "It'll be nice to live where the people aren't obsessed with money, image, and status."

Some local consumers agree that this move can only benefit the city.

"I'm thrilled that I'll be able to buy locally-made adult movies, just like the vegetables I get at the farmers' market," said a self-proclaimed "pornnoisseur" who preferred to go unnamed.

Not everyone is thrilled about this new addition to Stamford's media scene, however.  Rod U. Phisrear, president of the Connecticut Council for Puritanical Preachery, feels that Stamford is the wrong place for the adult film industry.

"This is depravity at its worst.  I will purchase copies of every piece of smut filmed in Stamford.  Purely for research, of course.  Extensive research."

Alana Gale, the Vivid spokeswoman, is unfazed by such criticism.  "Our industry has faced opposition for years and yet we're still here," she said.  "Moving to Stamford is another exciting chapter in the history of adult entertainment.  We can't wait to put the 69 in 06902!"


Anonymous said...

Please be April Fool's...


stamfordnotes said...

Nice...but I ain't no fool!