Electile dysfunction

I think I should call the doctor because it seems like this election is lasting WAY more than four hours. I've already complained about overused phrases, but now I'm just burned out on the whole darn thing and completely sick of hearing anything about it.

The most directly annoying aspect is the deluge of glossy flyers I keep getting in the mail from all the campaigns. Not only are they a waste of paper (though I recycle them along with all my other junk mail), but they're nasty and simplistic. I'm especially tired of the ones that claim that one candidate (usually the incumbent) is SOLELY responsible for SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYING CONNECTICUT, and that ONLY by electing their opponent will we be saved from BANKRUPTCY, MASS STARVATION, REANIMATED CORPSES and NUCLEAR WINTER!!!!!

Blaming one party, let alone a single elected official, for the problems in our state and our nation is beyond oversimplification. The flip side of that is the other party claiming that they have ALL THE SOLUTIONS and that if you vote for them, everything will be perfect and we'll all get personal jetpacks and unicorns as pets.

The truth is that both parties are part of the problem; when things are going poorly, blaming the party in power is a cheap campaign ploy. The only way out of this mess is for our elected officials to SHUT UP, SIT DOWN and WORK IT OUT LIKE ADULTS. Like it or not, we're all in this together, so the only way forward is together.

Mmm...beer...

Want to try some microbrew and craft beers, and support a good cause at the same time? Then you should check out the North Stamford Exchange Club's 3rd Annual Beer Exchange! It takes place this Saturday from 1-4 at the Italian Center in Stamford, and benefits the Exchange Club's Community Fund.

New England and Metro area micro-breweries will be sharing samples of their ales, lagers and specialty brews. Local restaurants will also be offering samples of their menu items. A silent auction of sports goods and memorabilia will be held, as well as a 50/50 drawing. Two large-screen TVs will show the day’s NFL games (which is nice if you're a Cablevision subscriber and a Giants fan!). Tickets are $55 each.

See http://www.northstamfordexchangeclub.org for select ticket locations or contact Amy Wilmot at 203-322-3788 or amywilmot@optonline.net.

Burger wars!

Now that I'll be able to burn some calories at the new Chelsea Piers complex here in Stamford, I can't wait to eat at Shake Shack's new location in Westport! Along with the forthcoming Burgers, Shakes and Fries in Darien and the new Five Guys in Norwalk, we've got a burger smackdown just waiting to happen!

This leads me to wonder: what's the best burger in Stamford? I had Napa's incredible Wagyu burger last year, and that bad boy sets the bar pretty high. What do you think?

Dear Cablevision: You suck

First, Cablevision took YES Network off the air over money. Then Cablevision took HGTV and Discovery off the air over money. Then Cablevision took ABC off the air -- during the Oscars -- over money. And now Cablevision has taken Fox 5 and My9 off the air over money. Hmm...what's the common thread here? Yeah, it's Cablevision.

Why do they keep doing this? Maybe they want to challenge BP's title of Most Hated Company in America.

Whatever the reason, as soon as another TV provider becomes available in my neighborhood, I'm dumping Cablevision just like I dumped Prodigy as my Internet provider last year.

My favorite part of Cablevision's stupid ads is how they're blasting Fox for wanting more money for the same service while, at the same time, forcing their costumers to pay for their stupid digital boxes and providing no additional services in return.

Cablevision: Ruining the television experience (and the Knicks) for decades.

Come n' get some chili!!

If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know that I love to eat, especially spicy food. Once again, I can combine my love of food, spice and do-goodery at the 3rd Annual Stamford Charity Chili Cook-off!!!

It'll take place on Saturday, October 23rd from 12-3 PM at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Stamford and will benefit the Food Bank of Lower Fairfield County. Seven professional chefs will be pitted against seven amateur cooks to see who makes the best chili in town. Tickets are $10 at the door or $5 with a donation of a bag of food to support the Food Bank.

The best part: I finally have an excuse to my chili pepper hat again.

Double-secret double feature

Last week's entry in the Avon's Cult Classics series, Evil Dead 2, brought out a crowd of horror nerds (and one classicly handsome blogger) who not only quoted all the great lines, but riffed on the cheesiest parts of their beloved movie, á là Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Next week's Cult Classic promises to be even more Cultish and even more Classic, as the Avon presents not only the synth-heavy, big-haired 80's comedy-horror classic Return of the Living Dead, but they follow it up with a super-secret surprise double feature! What could it be? Dawn of the Dead? Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death? Twilight?? (Unless Stamford is prepared for a mob of angry horror fans rioting in the streets, let's hope it's not Twilight.)

But wait, there's more! As if seeing ROTLD and a surprise second movie weren't cool enough, the whole event will be hosted by B-Sol, the shuffling zombie behind The Vault of Horror, one of the most in-depth, insightful and entertaining horror sites on the interwebs. B-Sol will be joined by Captain Cruella of the Carnivorous Cadavers for a brain-eating good time!

Mmm...brains...

Things candidates need to stop saying

Here are some trite, overused phrases I'm tired of hearing in campaign ads and speeches, followed by my comments. DISCLAIMER: I'm not targeting any particular party or candidate. People from all over the political spectrum use these clichés.

"I will lower taxes."
- Candidates have been spouting this nonsense since the dawn of time. If it were actually possible to lower taxes as often as candidates promise it, we'd be paying exactly $0.00 in federal, state and local taxes. I hate to break it to everybody, but it costs money to provide the services we all expect and demand from our governments. Yes, they need to eliminate waste, inefficiency, and patronage, but it still costs money to run a government, and those costs only increase year after year, so lowering taxes ad infinitum is not a feasible option, but only an empty campaign promise. And then there's our crumbling infrastructure...

"I'm going to create jobs."
- Sure, if you own your own business, maybe you can. Otherwise, all an elected official can do to "create" jobs is to work with the business community to provide services and incentives that allow local businesses to grow. And don't even get me started on the "we'll give you $100 million in tax breaks to move to our state, only to have you leave once they expire" shell game.

"I'm going to fix Washington/Hartford/Albany."
- No you're not. The systems in our legislatures are well-established, which is both bad and good: bad because it allows the bloat and waste to continue and also prevents a bright, ambitious legislator from effecting positive change, and good because it also prevents a less altruistic person from introducing some crazy or even harmful changes. Plus, no matter how ambitious (or rich) you are, you're still just one of 535, 187 or 212. No rookie legislator is going to make much of a ripple.

"I'm an outsider."
- Sure, as of right now you are, but if you're elected, you'll quickly learn that you have to play the game -- and you'll become just like those evil "insiders" and "career politicians" you claim to hate so much.

Are there any other hollow platitudes that bug you? Sound off!